The Tax Man Cometh!

I don't believe I've ever used this forum to vent about anything; so I hope I'll be forgiven this one indiscretion. What's got me bugged? TAXES!!! Yes, I know its over (thank God), but I'm still fuming. This may come as a surprise, but my complaint is not so much what we're having to pay. I've long been resigned to rendering unto Ceaser what he demands. No, my complaint is that he has to make it so difficult. I finally succeeded filing an electronic return late Friday, April 15, afternoon.

I know, I can hear you now. "You mean you waited unitl the last minute to do your taxes?" Well, yes and no. Yes, I waited until April to actually get down and dirty. No, I didn't wait until the last day. Actually, I began gearing up for what I anticipated to be a marathon many weeks ago, collecting, organizing, cross checking, condensing, calling, spreadsheeting, re-organizing, re-cross-checking...all the stuff I know many of you also trudged through.

I've been doing my own taxes, except for a couple of years, my entire life. Yes, my finances have gotten more complex, which brings a certain expectation of commensuarate angst. The difference this year is that the process took three times as long as years past. I'm not kidding. I'm embarrased to even tell you how much time I spent on this (missing many nights of "Band of Brothers" on the history channel). Everytime I thought I was getting close to wraping it all up another issue would pop up.

For instance, it's not enough to itemize your medical expenses, this year we had to break it down into "prescriptions, supplies, professional services, facilities, hospitalization, employee contributions to your company's medical plan, reimbursements....did you have a colonoscopy"? Yes. "What did they find?" Hey, that's going to far, but I'll tell you for a tax credit instead of a deduction." "No deal buster". Believe me, it's been punishment enough paying these unreimbursed medical bills. Having to spend hours pouring over statements to ferret out what the IRS demands just adds insult to injury.

And I pity those that had some rental property to deal with. I guess the Government feels that if you were blessed enough to have had income property (we were) it's going to make you crawl and squirm trying to figure out what consitutes legitimate expenses and depreciation.

Or maybe it's the people at Intuit. I don't know if the Turbotax folks had a melt down this year or whether there's been a dramatic change in the law, but the level of complexity is definately over the top - and I'm the lawyer in the family - paid to bludgeon complexity into submission. This year I feel like Rocky after his first fight with Mr. T., bruised and battered.

Between Cathy and I we spent an easy 30 hours to make it all legit (which I'm not at all confident it is). And here's the rub, given the same set of data it's been proven (by an authority no less than Primetime - the gold standard for truth in investigative reporting) that five different tax preparers would have come up with five different results; which says that doing one's taxes is anything but a scientific process, unless you're into quantum mechanics. The better question, is it a rational process? I suppose it is to people who make their living preparing people's taxes. It's a growth industry to be sure.

I know there's a lot of strong feelings about tossing our "progressive" tax system for a flat tax, a national sales tax, or a value-added tax; but really, given the loss of time and subjectivity of our current system it's time to consider an alternative.

Last Thursday night I finally thought I was done. Everything was checked and rechecked. Turbotax Premier ran its calculations and blessed my return as having "no errors." Great. Time to file. Only $14.95 to transmit it electronically - a bargin considering the telephone book I would otherwise have to mail. Put in your checking routing and account number, sign electronically, and you're reading to go.

"Transmit?" Yes, I click. A new dialogue box pops up with cute little icons showing how things are going. It looks like I'm done until....wait, what's this?

"There is an error in your return". You must fix this error to transmit".

Wait a minute, you told me that there were no errors. OK, what's the problem? I click on the box and it takes me to a form:

"California Adjustments to Business Profit and Loss". The error message reads: "You must provide: "Sch Wks (Business) C; Fed pass Wk. Col. A/B".

Uuh? What is "Fed pass Wk. Col. A/B"? I scan the form that popped up to see if there is such an entry. Nope. Look again, you must have missed it. I stare at the form, the error message, the form, the error message.... Nothing. What. Am I blind or something?

I click on the "Guide Me" box, which takes me to IRS references having absolutely nothing to do with the message. For the next three hours, until the wee hours of Friday morning - tax day - I go back over my return with a fine tooth comb. "Calculating" "Congratulations, there are no errors on your return." OK, let's try transmitting again. Dialogue box, handshake...."There is an error in your return". You must fix this error to transmit". It takes me to form: "California Adjustments to Business Profit and Loss". The error message reads: "You must provide: "Sch Wks (Business) C; Fed pass Wk. Col. A/B". Aaahhhh!! This cycle repeats itself several times until, at almost 2am I through in the towel and head for bed.

The next morning at 7am I'm on the phone to Turbotax. After 25 minutes of waiting to talk with a representative,

"Sir, can you please read me the error message your getting".

Sure: "You must provide: "Sch Wks (Business) C; Fed pass Wk. Col. A/B".

"I'm sorry Sir, that error message is not one that I've seen before." "Can I put you on hold for a few minutes".

"Sure".

A full twenty minutes later: "Sir, I apologize for the delay. I had to escalate this to our next level of support". "Try.....that should solve your problem. Thanks for calling Turbotax."

Well, it did not solve my problem. Worse, I'm in my pajamas, taxes are due today and I've got an important business call in one hour I must take at my office.

3pm - Friday afternoon. Rush back home from the office. Take up where I left off. OK, let's go through this one more time, from the top. "Personal information." No changes - 10 minutes. "Income." One hour, but this time the program is asking me questions it never did before. Heavy reliance on "Guide Me" with ample visits to the Franchise Tax Board Website. "Deductions." Another hour - and a few more new questions. Finally, at about 5:30pm, it's "Finalize Return". The calculations begin.......

Viola, "Congratulations. Your return shows no errors."

Not much solace considering I've seen it all before. But I have faith. Ready to "transmit". The "connection"....OK. The "handshake"...OK. "Calculating"....OK. And then those magic words...

"Transmitting!"

"Congratulations, your return has successfully transmitted". "But you're not done yet". "Check back in forty eight hours for the date of your audit".

Not to worry, maybe its an error.